Child Separation Anxiety - is diagnosed when a child suffers with excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom they have a strong emotional attachment (mother, father, siblings, grandparents etc.) It is characterized by a distress when separated from the subject of attachment, constant fear of losing the loved person, fear that something will lead to separation from the loved one, worrying about feeling lonely or reluctance to go to sleep without the loved person and crying and nightmares about separation.

It is normal for toddlers to experience anxiety when a parent leaves the room and as they get older they may experience separation anxiety when dropped off at preschool. This anxiety usually goes away as children get more and more used to their new environment. However if it does not go away and the anxiety in children increases, it is known as Separation Anxiety Disorder.


Typical symptoms include somatic complaints, refusing to go to school or sleepover and demanding that someone stay with them at bedtime.

The best way to overcome this problem is by exposing them gradually to situations that trigger separation anxiety and praising them for brave behaviour.

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Here are some techniques you can use when dealing with a child who suffers with separation anxiety:


1) Prepare your child for the fact you will be going away - try not to surprise your child, tell them in advance that you will be going away. It will give them time to mentally prepare for it and they will cope better when you go. Your child will learn trust you and worry less about you leaving them unexpectedly.

2) Routine is comforting your child - try to establish a routine, which you use every time before you leave, this will make your child feel more comfortable. For example you hug them, kiss them on both cheeks and say when you will be back and wave them and send kisses. If your child is too young to grasp time scale, you can say you will be back before their favourite TV program starts.

3) Calm yourself down - remember if you stay calm, your child is more likely to calm down too. Seeing your child crying as you are leaving can be very distressing, but show your child how to be brave and reassure them. This is important, because separation anxiety also applies for adults. If you suffered separation anxiety in your childhood and your parents did not know how to help you, you are likely to feel distressed too when your child is anxious. But try to stay calm and take your time to reassure your child.

4) Try a step by step technique - try to start leaving your child with another person you trust in the room while you go another room/ garden/ loft. Before you leave, tell your child you are going to leave for a few minutes, but you will be back shortly. Use the routine ritual above and see how your child copes. This will make it easier when you then leave for a longer periods of time. Do not lie to your child about when you`ll be back. It will lose its trust in you and won`t believe you in the future.

We all - children and parents - need love to live and grow peacefully. When things such as a divorce or a death in the family happen, it creates an emotional trauma. If this is just left to heal by itself, sometimes things go wrong, the wound never heals and we start covering the pain by other "comforting" things. These can be obsessive addiction to individuals or things such as computer games, substance abuse or alcoholism, having loveless sexual encounters. Also psychosomatic illnesses can develop, where a child or an adult suffers with physical pains and illnesses caused by psychological stress and anxiety.